It was 6th of May 2011. I was expecting clouds to rain heavily and winds to behave erratically. My desires to see my batch mates at same emotional level had no logical explanations. These absurd thoughts neither had any selfishness nor any dark philosophy hidden within it. But honestly since past 4 years, I was waiting for the day to end up with such kind of dramatic setup.
I woke up that morning expecting lots of phenomenal changes in my local universe. Loitering in my hostel lobby, I interviewed people and expected them to burst out in emotion. I expected the four year long movie to flash on my cerebral projector and drench their faces in tears.
Probably, the fear to shift my co-ordinates was bothering me more than emotional or sentimental detachments. Wild and random fear factors were scaring me. I could have easily figured out situations and emotions that were making me feel uncomfortable, but I wasn’t in the mood to do that. I wanted to sit alone in silence, with my mental fluctuations lying on the x-axis. I kept my cell phone on silent mode. I had no idea about what, when and why to speak. My life, which have hitherto witnessed a lot many departures was witnessing one of the greatest departures till date.
The law of inertia which holds true for Newtonian body seemed to synchronize and satisfy my mental state too. I have always hated to call my self a satisfied, complacent and stoic kid but on 6th of may I was helpless, speechless, tasteless.
My search of the “never-land” diluted with the graduation. My quixotic and utopian dreams were drying at that very moment, and I was helpless. I was debating against myself for smoking, drinking, professionalism, responsibilities, love, money, fame and other lot of other affairs, which never knocked my priorities before that day.The waves of fears and hesitations subdued my emotional and sentimental breeze. I never wanted to accept it. This made me feel jittery, I was experiencing the unrest.
Some of my favoured juniors visited my lobby and asked ” how are you feeling ?”
If I should utter and accept the truth – I felt like an orphan at that very moment.
I wish I could re-live my KIIT days..!